Have you ever heard of a bucket list?

Have you ever heard of a bucket list?
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To me they are as important as breathing.  I like to have dreams, goals, something to achieve.  It doesn’t have to be something big, but it does have to be something to look forward to.   For years I looked forward to the Cage of Death!  It was the 100th thing on my 40 list and it was totally worth waiting for.

6 months before however my mother was diagnosed with terminal pancreatic and bowel cancer.  She was told she had 3 months to live.  I remember the phone call so well, and the feeling of loss that immediately enveloped me.  I remember going back to work serving customers, smiling, doing my job, wondering how everything could just go on so easily while my heart was breaking.
From that moment on, mum was in a hurry.  She did more in the next 6 months than most people do in years.  Mum was always up for an adventure and over the years we had many!  From swimming with dolphins, going on cruises, visiting wineries & flying off on holidays you always knew whatever crazy scheme was hatched that she would be in on it.  But of course we had one thing to check off before she was gone and she was determined to see me do it!

She surprised me with the tickets to Darwin for my 40th birthday and we flew up just a couple of weeks later.  She was tired and in constant pain, battling nausea from the chemotherapy that she had a mere 2 days before and she still managed to make it the best holiday of my life!

On the day of the swim, Mum and I walked over to Crocosaurus Cove and I presented my ticket.  Much to her shock they said ,“Ok both of you climb in”.  Mum had only got a ticket for me but there was no way I was doing it without her!  In true kick ass style she climbed into that tank with me and spent the next 20 minutes in the company of a 790kg, 5.5mt crocodile named Chopper.

It was simultaneously terrifying and calm at the same time. Watching that giant crocodile eye to eye with mum was awe inspiring.  It seemed to follow her around the cage and took intense looks at her through the gaps, while only casting me a cursory glance.

 Its weird that anyone can find being in a cage that close to a giant dinosaur calming, but it was.  We talked, we laughed, we took a million photos and then they encouraged the crocodile to jump and snap and to be honest, I’m pretty sure my heart stopped every time it bumped the cage and came crashing down in the water.  

By the time we climbed out, I was on such an adrenalin rush!  I had finally done it!  I’d lived my dream and completed my list, and even better I had lived it with her!

​I was so blessed and will always be grateful for all of the things I got to experience with her!

Now however I am struggling with my next list.  It’s so very difficult to do it without her.  But I am determined.  One of the very last things she ever said to me was “For fucks sake Treen, life is short, get out and do what makes you happy!”

And she’s right! 

Now, finally I’m starting my next list.  I’m so excited and a little scared to be doing it alone. 
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So if you have any ideas of what to add please drop them in the comments, and hey…how about coming with me? ​​